I wish I could write something inspiring or helpful every single day. I wish I could take photos of the good parts of my day and pretend that’s all there was. I wish real life was as easy as it looks on social media. Funnily enough, that’s not how life works and sometimes you can have one of those crappy days like today….5 years on, what a brilliant day!
Most days I am more than ok with my accident, sometimes I’m actually thankful for everything it has taught me, but very rarely there are days when I hate that it ever happened and wish I never went out on the 5th November. Today I think it’s allowed.
If this was a few years ago I would probably take this bad mood and spend weeks feeling sorry for myself. I would be living in the four walls of my bedroom on my hospital bed counting down the hours in the day. I wouldn’t want to be touched, consoled and I would’ve hated company. I would think that the world was ending and that my life was too hard, I couldn’t see past what my life once was. I grieved, I screamed, it was awful.
The difference now is that even though today sucks, I know I will be ok tomorrow. I know that I have an amazing life. I know that everything passes and tomorrow has the potential to be the best day of my life. Yes I’m sad today but I know it’s only temporary and it’s ok.
I occasionally stumble across beautiful quotes and this one is a quote for me.
‘Just because it still makes you cry, doesn’t mean you aren’t moving on.’
That is exactly what I’m doing.
The truth is, we all live with pain and rubbish circumstances but every single day we have the ability to make a choice and decide what kind of ‘hard’ we want to endure.
Yes, it’s hard to face the fact that I’m dealing with a life-long injury. It’s hard suffering the pain I feel everyday. It’s hard not being able to stand up and cuddle my husband. It’s hard seeing people getting on with their lives. It’s hard to smile when I think about certain memories. It’s hard meeting new people. It’s hard not being able to help my mum. It’s hard to be around people my own age and not be able to relate to them.
But you know what would be harder?
Realising I’ve let paralysis beat me and to let the sadness swallow who I am. Staying at home and missing out on life. Secluding myself from amazing friendships because of fear. Missing those new memories and always wondering ‘what if?’. Focusing on the fact that I’m injured rather than the fact I survived. Waking up one day when I’m older and realising I’ve wasted my life.
THAT would be hard.
Whatever the situation, we have a choice in how we respond and deal with it. It’s inevitable for me that today is going to be a sad day but I’ve come so far and I can look back at these long 5 years and think to myself that I’ve survived through these dark times and come out the other side a lot stronger.
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